Thursday, March 18, 2010

Solitary confinement

A couple of things spurred me on to seek a new relationship. One was a co-worker who was married to his job. I could see myself going that route and being totally unsatisfied with the hugs and kisses that a newspaper can provide. The second was hearing co-workers running around the office saying "My husband this ..." or "My wife that ..." I missed the team aspect of a relationship, the adventure, the sharing.

After my wife died, Sept. 22, 2007, from complications of diabetes and autoimmune inner ear disease, I gave myself a year before I even thought of pursuing another relationship. Grief takes time. No two people in grief take exactly the same route or the same time. I wanted to be fully healed before I gave a new relationship a try. I didn't want to be on the rebound, as so many men are, looking for a woman to heal their pain.

By the time of my first date with Teri, Oct. 26, 2008, I had received the three free therapy sessions from work and joined six weekly sessions of group therapy put on through a local hospice. I had read five books on grieving and wrote down what had gone so very right in my relationship with Tina and what I would do differently. I knew the best compliment to Tina would be to want another relationship with a strong woman, and that's just what I got with Teri, a character with character. While Teri and Tina are both incredibly intelligent, they are polar opposites in personality. I thought it was important that we got to know each other very, very well before Teri and I pursued the physical aspects of a relationship. And that's exactly what we did.

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