Fear of the Unknown

We've attended two funerals lately. Both men set the bar high for moving on to the next level. Both would help people out whenever needed, and not worry whether the other person could give anything back. They were nonjudgmental.

The ministers conducting the services, however, spent a lot of time on the topic "fear of the unknown." Who has time for such fears? Why not just fear the known? Fear what we can do but aren't. Fear the consequences of eating too much sugar or drinking too much beer. Fear what will happen to our bodies if we don't move at least a half hour a day, five days a week. Fear what will happen if we cut ourselves off from social contact, if we choose not to volunteer or get involved when opportunities arise.

Nothing against good Christians getting prepared for the afterlife. As was said in the Rob Carter service, for a true American hero, it's good to have no regrets when you step up to St. Peter's gate. It's good to know you have made the right choices. It's good to have not been a whiner.

Fear of the unknown? I don't think so. I'll fear the known, and try to be a little more like Carter in providing those around me nonjudgmental love.

No excuses

Once I was working 70 hours a week for a newspaper in Cody, Wyo. Call me crazy. I've been called a lot worse. One week the editor/publisher approached me and asked that I do one more story. I said I didn't have time. He kindly sat me down and gently reminded me that my life would be more pleasant, not just that year but many years down the road, if I never used that excuse again. Excuse? I felt I was at the breaking point. Truth is, most of us live life at 50, 60 or 70 percent of potential. Rarely do we go up to 80, 90 or 95. The only people that give 110 percent are those lifting Volkswagen bugs off button-nosed children when the heroes get a burst of adrenaline in an emergency.

The lesson learned is there is always enough time for what's important. We do what we need to do, in matters of work and relationships. No more, no less.

In many jobs, however, there comes a point of diminishing returns. This economic law works in all areas of life to keep us from expending unnecessary energy in unneeded ways. It helps keep us sane.

Now, in building our married relationship, there are many things to do. The list seems endless. We need to do wills, combine finances, make sure each other knows what we want in terms of funerals. Many people are afraid of death and the unknown and put these things off. We have plenty of things to fear -- a recession, saving for retirement, niggling health details. There is no need to put energy into fear of the unknown. If we can put these things in our rearview mirror in the next few months, it will enhance our quality of life and help build our relationship. Love is in the details.

Living Apart Together

We got married, moved to our dream home on the Oregon Coast and retired to a life of making art. Just dreaming. In reality, after the magical wedding day of 9-10-11, after a wonderful honeymoon trip to Squamish, B.C., we dove right back into our jobs. And both work places were shorthanded, forcing us to double our efforts at labor and battling that fierce enemy, stress. No, we can't give up our day jobs just yet. We need to keep the electricity on and the bills paid. And since those jobs happen to be 85 miles apart, with the Blue Mountains in between, we have kept the "mountain cabin" in Cove and the 'beach condo" in Milton-Freewater. We have two homes to maintain, two jobs, double bills on everything. We are a classic Living Apart Together couple, staying in daily contact through email, text messages, Facebooking and phone calls and rendezvousing on weekends, holidays and vacations. Sure, it's not ideal. But we share the same moon. We see the same shooting stars. And we are making Living Apart Together work, growing and nuturing our love one day at a time.

"Win The Day"

Our favorite college football team, the Oregon Ducks, have a mantra they live by. "Win The Day." It's what their coach, Chip Kelly, has infused into their collective football life and I am sure it carries over somewhere in their personal lives.

"Win The Day" is a good goal. Jeff and I have encouraged each other by using these words. Yet, this is more that a mere collection of words, it is a good way to live your life. We know we can't win every situation but striving to 'win the day' will serve us well. If we can win the day, we can win the week, we can win the month and we can win the year.

Happy New Year Everyone... now, get out there and "Win The Day."

Do the Duck

2012 started with a bang, not a whimper, as the Ducks beat Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Teri and I celebrated by running around the beach condo living room doing the Duck. It's like doing the Jet except with a little more arm movement. Teri loves all things Oregon. Although having been more of a Beaver fan when I first met her in 2008, thanks to Duck coach Chip Kelly and his slogan Win the Day, she is beginning to see the light.

Even Steven

This year my goal is to write on even-numbered days. Teri vows to write on odd-numbered days. I like the idea of writing on even steven days. I believe for everything bad that happens, something good happens. It's like the Christmas eve sermon at Teri's niece Ashley and her husband Nathan's church in West Richland, Wash. The minister was saying, "When something really bad happens, a person asks, 'Why me, God?' Then when something unbelieveably good happens, the same person asks, 'Why me, God?'" I knew right away what the minister was talking about. That's how it worked with me. Tina's death in September 2007 at age 48 was the really bad, unbelieveably painful thing. Meeting Teri and getting married on 9-10-11 with the incredible outpouring of support from family and friends was the really good, amazingly wonderful thing. Why me, God? Why not me?

2012... a new year, a new slate.

Ahhh... the possibilities. It has been 113 days since our magical wedding day, 112 days since my husband last posted on our blog. Here's to hoping that in this new year we'll share more of our time together in this blog.

Today, after a New Year's Eve celebration and a blissful night of sleep, we had a wonderful day. This morning I fixed oat and walnut pancakes and made a three-berry compote to top them off. Yummy way to start off the new year. We also managed some chores around the house, some needed reorganizing and such. Today was also a delightful day for a walk in the winter sunshine. Sunny and chilly, but I had my sweetheart with me. I love going for a long walk with Jeff. We have a chance to share the sights of the neighborhoods and talk about anything we wish. The walk never seems long when I am with him.

This year we won't have wedding planning and such tasks to accomplish so we can get on with our other projects. My part will be trying to clean out the clutter from the garage. My surroundings and my life need some reorganizing... but all in good time. I also plan to work on the two quilts I have in process. Also this year WE are going to the BEACH..... the Oregon Coast to be exact.

Also, I guess we should fill you in on some fun details of our wedding and share some photos we took on our honeymoon to Canada. It's been a marvelous time we've had together and we are looking forward to another year of adventures.